FEED THE WOLF

There is a story about an old Cherokee who told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

~

Though I try not to dwell on them, I cannot escape all the stories in the news - murders, thefts, violence, clashes of all sorts, heated demonstrations, politics, division.

The chaos seems never-ending. The hatred, which is at the core of it, seems pervasive. So, lately I've been thinking of hatred and the little story above came to mind. And I saw that the hatred was not just out there, in others. I recognized the inner battle that wages inside me.

It led me to go deeper and deeper until I discovered the hidden sludge, the grime and filth that rests peacefully disguised somewhere in the darkness of my being.

The immersion revealed to me what I didn't want - the hatred within me. Though I may often come across as a Pollyanna, an ambassador of positivity, a bleeding heart who wants to sing Cumbaya and love everyone, the real truth is not pretty or all about love.

Hate is such a strong word. I was taught I must never hate, that only love was the valid passion. So hate learned to hide. I thought I was nice and that I had no room for such a strong and vile emotion. Until, not too long ago, when it surprised me, attacked me and I saw it. And if I hadn't, I think that wolf would have devoured me. I won't go into the details because you needn't know about me. It's best to discover your own hatred and you have some. It is adept at camouflage.

But perhaps, like for me, circumstances will converge for you in a way in which hate cannot but show its raw, ugly, monstrous head. And you will deny it, you will reject it, you will fight it. Then you will accept it. And hopefully, you will ask, "What is it I'm afraid of?"

I think hate originates in fear. If you have the courage, the answers will eventually surge, but know that unveiling our fears is not easy.

I value self-awareness and I know it is something we have to work at. It is best to know who we are, lest we go through life like a shadow or a carbon copy of ourselves - unauthentic, ungrounded, hypocritical. The truth will set you free, they say.

Though love may be the opposite of hate, they are not mutually exclusive. I can love my child, but hate the neighbor's. I can love the underprivileged, and hate the rich. I can hate the haters, while thinking myself superior. I can hate myself, and love my superficial mask, my reputation, my prestige.

Some say love and hate are just two sides of the same coin. That makes sense to me somehow. Or maybe I just wish it were, because as a choice I prefer love. And what a great thing, if we could convert hate to love. Just flip it.

Or maybe we can all just transform hate to love, like an alchemist or a magician, or a god.

But the truth remains. Before we can change anything we first must see it, confront it, name it, accept it as part of ourselves...and not hate ourselves for it. Only then can we let it go. And maybe not only our self-awareness increases but also our self-love, love in general.

The old Cherokee grandfather didn't instruct on which wolf to feed and he didn't say it, but it's important we know there are two wolves and that feeding one, will kill the other.

~

For a little humor:

" I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."

W.C. Fields

FAMILY -THE PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT?

In my neighborhood it's not unusual to see families of quail bouncing around the terrain looking for their next meal. Often one can also see them crossing the street with one parent on either end trying to ensure safety, as the little ones file one by one playfully traipsing along and gawking curiously at this mysterious world they are barely discovering.

The young stay with their parents during their first summer, then of course, the parents let them go to forage by themselves, and eventually raise their own families. Sound familiar?

Family is on my mind. Busily and happily I baby proof the house as much as possible, I shop for the foods I think are their favorites, I clean and scrub until even Mr. Clean would be out of a job, and I cook ... as best I can. The kids, which I lovingly call my daughter, her husband and the baby, are visiting. I'm in a festive mood anticipating the enjoyment of seeing all of baby's newest antics and spending quality time with the little family that brings me so much joy.

My mind, which is rarely at rest, has begun to ponder: "Isn't this one of your biggest attachments?" it asks, trying to elicit some guilt or closely associated feeling of ...what? What ever happened to seeking detachment, to living in the moment? Here you are day dreaming about all the fun you're going to have in the future, and what's more you are definitely, hopelessly attached to those ordinary people you consider so special." It has been said before, the mind is a dangerous thing.

~

I don't associate with any particular religion, but as a philosophy, Buddhism resonates within me. It seems to echo, or I guess, I echo many of its teachings and detachment is a major one. Yet, I am attached to my family and do not foresee that I will stop any time soon, mostly because I'm not sure I want to.

I love loving my family. I think the love I feel for the Kids, comes closest to anything I will ever be able to call true, unconditional love. I strongly suspect I am not alone. I watch my daughter tend to her baby boy, often with disregard for her own physical momentary needs. I read "mommy blogs", mostly to remind me of the days that once were, and I notice that the love these Moms feel for their little ones filters through their words, regardless of their chosen topic. Their love is in the spaces.

~

Attachments cause our suffering. No need to tell parents that. But if enlightenment is the achievement of "no self" then perhaps parenthood, in any form, may be a great path towards that goal. I have never experienced a more selfless love. And though I am still attached, I must give myself credit for at least following the natural progression of life, which is indeed a gradual letting go... of everything.

I did let my little one go to school. Sadness overwhelms me when I think of the tiny hand that I reluctantly released, to touch the world alone, without me. It was the preview of all the letting go of her that I would have to do throughout my life, until I realised I can't. For now, at least, I won't.

I hope I'm right...that parenthood is a good path towards enlightenment. Buddha is said to have returned to his family, after leaving them to seek and find his Truth. I've never heard that he was spiritually demoted for going back to loving them.

Clearly, I have much still to learn. There is a demarcation that differentiates between love and attachment. Sadly, I am no Boddhisattva (enlightened being). Enlightenment may come some day, but in my present moment, I'm soooooooo happy my Kids are coming and I'm proceeding with the preparations.