NO COMPLAINTS!

This is not a "grandma blog" but you must allow me to tell you what a wonderful, exhilarating time I had these past few days visiting my baby grandson. I can hardly recognize the idiotic, lunatic, ridiculous fool I gladly become just to make him laugh. I greatly appreciate the opportunity to have so much fun.



Okay. No more grandma stuff, but I must just express one more thing - a great big bundle of thanks to my husband who almost pushed me out the door as he so generously volunteered to take care of the old ladies for a few days while I recouped some sanity or insanity, whichever serves me best.

Thanks so much, Hubby of mine!

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"If I become a vegetarian, what will I eat?" This was a rather frantic question from a friend of mine who was on the verge of making the big decision about giving up meat. I had uttered the same question a few years prior when I myself could not imagine my world without meat consumption. Today, both my friend, myself and our respective spouses eat no meat, yet we still battle the bulge and have obviously found plenty to keep us nourished, well fed and plump.

My big question now is about a very different issue. It focuses primarily on the ladies: mother and mother-in-law, the two old women in our care. One has Alzheimer's, the other dementia. One is 82, the other 90. They each possess a small repertoire of commentaries which they repeat daily about 500 times. Hygiene and food are their major problems; or rather, my problems. Mother is quite easy going until she gets it in her head that I took something of hers. Then her profanity is less than mild. Mother-in-law has about 3,500 imaginary illnesses which provide torture to her and more to us who work hard at avoiding her detailed accounts accompanied by a more than adequate amount of melodrama. They do not qualify for any kind of government assistance though their meager social security checks could not possibly provide them with paid help. Both my husband and I have no siblings and therefore, we are stu...I mean, we volunteered to provide care.

Until recently, Maria was reliable and accessible with little notice. She even learned to cook the foods the ladies like. We used her periodically when we needed a night out and when we took mini-vacations. However, Maria found a full-time job caring for an infirm old woman and I guess she prefers a predictable salary. She will still care for our ladies for our mini-vacations, if we reserve a date about a month in advance. We have been unable to find a substitute and thus hubbie and I are stuck at home most of the time because mini-vacations are, after all, expensive.

Wha wha wha wha wha! If this sounds like whining, it's because that's what it is.

~

As I was driving to my daughter's house four days ago, I heard a talk radio show. It was Dr. Oz the infamous "Oprah" doctor. He was interviewing Minister Will Bowen who initiated "A Complaint Free World" movement and organization in 2006. As I listened to him, I realized he made a lot of sense. He had statistics I could not write nor recall, but he seemed to prove that complaining is not good for our health. Like most negative things, to focus on them merely perpetuates them and enlarges them. They make us unhappy and our bodies respond by getting sick. The website alludes to the fact that perhaps without complaining we could make more room for gratitude.

Recently, I had accepted a challenge in a blog post to go without complaining for 21 days. This is the same challenge that is proposed by "A Complaint Free World". I failed miserably then and don't even think I lasted a day, and here I am considering trying again.

However, this organization uses purple bracelets as a tool to keep us honest. You put the bracelet on one wrist, if you catch yourself complaining you have to switch and put it on your other wrist. I think it's a good way to at least increase my awareness. I'm going to send for it though generally I'm not one to engage in gimmicky activities.

I buy into anything positive and almost without thinking accept that it must be better than a negative alternative. I couldn't help but wonder, though, if not complaining may lead to suppression of feelings and emotions. I certainly have witnessed as well as experienced relief after being able to share problems with a genuine and caring listener. However, is that relief really helpful or just feeding my ego by helping me feel sorry for myself? At any rate, I don't think I need to hide my feelings I just don't need to nurture the negative ones.

I plan to act on this and hopefully pave the way for a more grateful existence. I must confess though that not 15 minutes after hearing the radio show, I was complaining on the phone about something. Minister Bowen says that we complain a whole lot of times in one day. There's no debating that!

Still, in view of what often seems a pretty restricted life right now with little in the way of social or exciting experiences, I can't help but ask myself, "If I don't complain, what am I gonna talk about?"

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."

Elizabeth Kubler Ross

(rewritten from : http://acomplaintfreeworld.org/)

Giving and Receiving

At least fifty times a day, mother-in-law approaches me about something trivial. Lately, her topic of choice has been the outside breeze. It is breezy, it isn't, it isn't now, but it will be, maybe tomorrow it won't be. Other times, she complains about her million real and imaginary ailments. Her hips, back, legs, feet, head and stomach take turns hurting. Otherwise, she's about to have a stroke, or she has the world's worse, most intense and mind exploding back itch. But a few days ago, she interrupted my work (which consists mostly of taking care of her and my mother, and writing on this site) with something different. It held utmost importance for her.

I noticed a little happy anticipation as she timidly stood by my office door, gesturing permission to enter. Mother-in-law had a gift for me. This was overall surprising and I suppose refreshingly different. At first, I didn't want to accept her gift and I even started to reject it before I caught myself. Then I thought, "I just recently wrote about kindness. I'd better be kind and pretend I like her present." So graciously, I listened to her story about the gift. It was something she had bought a long time ago, had tried on, but it no longer fit her. She never wore it and she was certain it would fit me and I would make good use of it. Due to rapidly progressing dementia she forgets many, many things. Thus, considering the source, I was quite doubtful about the accuracy of some of her details, especially since her gift did look slightly worn, a little wrinkly and like mother-in-law herself - very old.

They say people see their entire lives pass before them before they die. Well, sort of like that, I reviewed the spiritual implications in the current interchange. Surely, "It's better to give than to receive", but in this case I, the receiver, may have been doing more giving because when the gift was presented I was actually able to refrain from laughing. I do recognize the importance of receiving a gift politely, especially during grace filled moments, which this was not. The gift was just so unusual, it left me with a vacant smile and a wondering gaze. Only dumb cliches passed through my mind to comfort me in this time of etiquette perplexity - "It's not the gift, it's the thought that counts." But this only made me wonder, "What the hell was she thinking?"

"Tha...thank you so much", I stuttered insecurely. Mother-in-law beamed proudly as she wallowed in what was for me quite an awkward moment. Of course, I had to listen to the story of the gift three more times before mother-in-law felt comfortable leaving her treasure to my fullest enjoyment.

~

"When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing."

Anonymous

Right about now, you must be dying of curiosity to know what mother-in-law's abundant generosity entailed. Well, here it is. This may even give you ideas for your own gift giving. Would you let me know of any similar gifts you have received? I'd love to compare.

My blog

"You only lose what you cling to."

Buddha

A couple of days ago I lost you! In spite of what it may seem, I am not a computer geek; in fact, in that realm, I'm quite impaired. The snafu occurred as I was trying to improve my site. Instead, I deleted some essential components. To say that I was totally devastated is a huge understatement. For hours I worked diligently trying to resuscitate you.

I prayed and pleaded with the almighty Cyber Deities to bring you back from space the way Jesus brought Lazarus out of the cave. I understood it could be a little harder because at least Jesus knew what he was doing. But, no matter, the technology Gods seemed to be set to "hibernate". Tears piled up behind my stoic mask. I was not about to lose my blog pages, my unknown friends, my heart inspired writings. Stubbornly, I proceeded...only to make things worse.

Like the clanging of a bell, something suddenly clashed within me and I was awakened. No, I hadn't been asleep. I wasn't dreaming, but I had lost my awareness. Simultaneously, I realized there must be a lesson for me in this loss. What was the lesson? It had to do with letting go, with detachment. Who am I without you? Who am I without any of the things and people I love?

It's great how we can gain heaven in an instant; it's sad that we can lose it just as quickly. At that moment I knew I had lost my peace. Not because I had lost the blog, but because I had lost moments in fear, anger and maybe a little despair. I realized then that I had to stop the emotional turmoil I had allowed.

I reclaimed my spiritual composure after I did what I know works - a silent moment of surrender and acceptance of what Is. I breathed in and remembered that the Universe is not out to get me. It supports me. So, if my life needed to continue without a blog site, or without a really fancy one, so be it. This was not easy. For me letting go is never simple; thus the lesson.

Sometimes, I think about the Buddhist monks who spend hours making beautiful mandalas out of sand, only to destroy them once they are finished. Whew! I am nowhere near that level of detachment. But as we can see, Life continuously infuses those uncomfortable learning opportunities, to teach me not to grasp anything too tightly and instead embrace whatever each moment contains.

Once I got out of the way, I clicked some magical keys and puff, here you are and here I am - a little changed because all lessons, if learned, produce change. Now I am grateful to interact with you, to share and to write my pages, with a little less attachment to them, with more recognition that whatever I produce is a gift; that without it I am still mySelf. I am also a lot more grateful to have this technology. When I get it to work it's great fun.

The Choice

-

"If we're not supposed to eat animals...how come they're made out of meat?"

Anonymous

With lentils, tomatoes and rice, olives and nuts and bread,

Why does a man care to gnaw a slice of something bleeding and dead?"

Henry Bailey Stevens

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Several years ago, some acquaintances announced they were dropping by. It was Christmas and my kitchen looked like it was in recovery from a cornucopia explosion. There was food all over the place. Yet, panic struck as I wondered desperately about what food I would offer my company. In my Puerto Rican culture, as in most cultures, offering food is the best way to demonstrate hospitality; and the best way to compliment your host is to eat. I was determined not to forgo this important social communion just because my visitors were vegetarians.

"What can I possibly feed them.?" I asked every member of my family, who looked at me in total perplexity, as they too found the incoming visit akin to a visit from the beings that inhabit the planet Vegietar, a world not yet discovered. What kind of people don't eat pernil (roasted fresh ham), or turkey or beef stew? Though I had already embarked on my spiritual journey, which mandated that one desist from any form of judgment - I knew deep in my heart that these people were weirdos. I finally did creatively put something together, but as I served it I felt disappointed, maybe a little angry that they deprived me of an opportunity to show off my true culinary skills, all of which involved meat dishes.

~

What goes around comes around. Perhaps my visit is dreaded by my carnivorous friends, who see no possibilities for food consumption devoid of meat. I'm a weirdo too now, and frankly I no longer feel like I've given something up, but rather I've heightened my consciousness, increased my knowledge and probably improved my health. But that's me, and unfortunately that's not all that makes me a weirdo. (We won't go into that.)

As a vegetarian, I try to refrain from judgment of others who still chose to chew the fibrous, bloody (they say juicy - yuck, meat juice), thick flesh of a being that actually had a face, some feeling and maybe even some consciousness itself. (Okay, so there's judgment or at least some arrogance in that previous statement. Sorry carnivores.) It's an issue. Those of us who chose to focus on a vegetarian diet tend to feel superior to those who don't and vice-versa. There are T shirts and bumper stickers displayed by those not so fond of animals, that say, "I didn't claw my way up the food chain, to eat vegetables." I think I've noticed a smirk or two emanating from people who disapprove of those who only eat rabbit food and secretly think we must be some kind of radical, pinko, commie, bleeding heart, misguided, animal and tofu loving, anemic, cheap political group. The rivalry is fierce - and like in a divorce situation, where the children are the losers in the battle - I feel animals are the biggest losers here, but they may not be. It may be us. Consider how mother earth as well as our lovely bodies are being damaged by methane gas, hormones, antibiotics etc. The consequences are scary, and though I honor choice, I do think we can make choices that benefit us all.

Rachel Ray and Emeril Lagasse just announced they became vegetarians! No, just kidding. But wouldn't that be something? I digress. But there is good news. You don't have to become vegetarian, not all at once, cold turkey - so to speak. You can become a Flexitarian. That's a cool label for you and all you have to do is eat other stuff, not meat, several days a week. It's so doable and you'd be providing the Universe with such a gift. Can you try that? You protein worshiper, you. Can we meet half way?

~

There was an old Twilight Zone episode in which aliens came down to earth and were luring people to board space ships to go to the aliens' home planet. They had a book titled "How To Serve Man", which convinced the humans of the aliens benevolence. As the space ships took off for space, one man finally managed to decipher that the book was not a book of goodness towards humanity, it was a cookbook. The aliens were going to cook and eat the humans!

What if there is a planet out there, whose technologically and intellectually advanced inhabitants look just like cows, pigs, chickens, sheep, etc.; and they came to earth and found us to be yummy and delectable? What if they discovered that human-on-the barbie made a great tasty and nutritious snack? What if they really loved munching on a well roasted human leg as they walked around a festival.?

We must remember - what goes around...

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Recommended reading:

The Food Revolution by John Robbins

Chocolate, I love you.

"There's more to life than chocolate, but not right now."

Anonymous

Much is being said about the great significance of the Mayan Calendar these days because we may be approaching the end of days. Still, what I can't understand is why no one is giving them more credit for an even more significant contribution to humanity. Not many people focus on the fact that along with the Aztec and Olmec civilizations, the Mayans discovered the cocoa bean. "And what comes from the cocoa bean?" you innocently ask. Chocolate!!!

We all know there are people going around denying that some parts of history took place -yeah like that chocolate was declared the food of the gods by many of the oldest, most sophisticated and spiritual of human civilizations. I'm certain I must have read that somewhere.

Anyway, it absolutely gives me a spiritual lift when I taste the delicious, creamy, sweet, rich, nutritious blend. Well, maybe not nutritious, but heavenly none the less. And one thing I did read is that it was considered an aphrodisiac by the Aztecs. Certainly, they knew what they were talking about. Now we all know scientifically that chocolate leads to love. Why else would there be a Valentine's day?

Many chocolate lovers are rejoicing over the fact that chocolate has been given a reprieve from the infamous list of bad foods. It is rich in magnesium and even some vitamins. But unfortunately this only applies to the better, more expensive dark chocolates, not the cheap milk chocolate found in candy bars. Guess which kind I like? Hint - one of my most memorable trips was to Hershey, Pennsylvania. I almost kissed the ground. Yes, unfortunately, I'm told cheap milk chocolate is mostly fat and sugar - devoid of nutrients. But, I'm hooked, helplessly.

As I've reminded you many a time, I'm chronically human, seeking to find my truer Self, my spiritual nature. The journey is bumpy. Love is the answer to most of my spiritual questions and I love chocolate. So, I've convinced myself that the creator understands and smiles, when I falsely identify my sugary, chocolaty highs as ecstasy.

My One Eyed Buddha

Several months ago, I meditated with some friends, and my daughter, who is the eternal skeptic and refuses to acknowledge the purpose or benefits of meditation, poked fun at me. She laughed as she declared that she could never just sit and do nothing while her eyes are closed. "At the minimum I would have to keep one eye open. What if someone stole my purse? What if...? What if...?" She kept joking about it and finally arrived at the conclusion that Buddha should have kept one eye open - just for safety purposes. The one eyed Buddha became our inside joke.

Little did I know that I was to soon meet my own personal one eyed Buddha. Daisy has been with us for about five months. We rescued her from a shelter and know little about her history. She's about 2 years old, has had puppies and apparently a violent past. She's blind in one eye and has several disturbing scars. To me she symbolizes resilience, fortitude, gratitude, happiness, fun and mostly the ability to live in the moment. She has no complaints in spite of whatever happened to her. She is not worried about her future. So, she pays no attention to "her story". She only knows that today she has love and the physical comforts of a queen. So do I, sort of - by 13th century standards, but I have yet to reach Daisy's level of spirituality.

I envy her at times. She has a habit of breathing loudly, deeply and slowly, which makes me wonder if she's in the meditative state that I so often miss. Is she following her breath? Is she aware? No matter. I use her breathing as an opportunity to stop what I'm doing and thinking about and I become conscious of the moment. I've been told that God resides there - in the empty silence of stillness.

Daisy is one of my gurus (read - teachers),of which I have many - but Daisy is special. If I observe her, I learn much about managing life. She makes sure she gets enough rest, play, and a little exercise. She knows what she needs at the moment and demands it with no regard for what I, or anyone else might think of her. "I'm hungry", she states every morning. Somehow, she also says, "I want a biscuit before I eat my regular food." And she gets one. How did she ever get that message across to me without words? She demonstrates no shame in her bodily functions and thus can tell no difference in value between one of her stinky farts or the gentle scent of a delicate flower.

Exuberance abounds within Daisy - when she wants it to. She runs, wags her little stubby tail and her joy gushes out in an infectious manner. Other times, she's lethargic, one might almost say lazy if dogs had a job to do. She's not perfect. She has her faults. Once in a while she's aggressive towards her species and seems to give in to her basic, most instinctive impulses. I doubt she understands herself, or bothers to try. She just is. She just loves being a dog and in spite of my apparent human privileges she doesn't envy me one bit. Why should she? She's so close to God. I can see it in her eyes (well in her eye).

I have so much to learn from this little friend. Effortlessly, innocently, trustingly she is generous without bounds. What I receive from her is the greatest gift of unconditional love. She is devoid of judgment of me, she always accepts me though I sometimes reject her. She forgives my grouchy moods and my shortcomings. I can always depend on her love. May I emulate such love for all. May I imitate her ease of living. May I continue to look in her eye and recognize God's ambassador in her adoring gaze.