PROJECTIONS

“Get that *&%#$@ing food away from me,” she yelled as her face gnarled in hatred toward the young man who was serving her. The outburst exploded into silence as the other nursing home diners, stunned, raised eyebrows in judgmental awe.

Slowly, the dinning room was filled once again with the collective hum of voices. Some talked about her. Others talked about the food, their children, the weather. All eventually ignored her rude and loud complaints as they unconsciously fought for protection from the ugly, ethereal dark mist of energy she exuded with every breath.

I observed and wondered. “What caused this bitterness?” “Why is this old woman so mean and unhappy?”

Immediately, I projected into my future with hopes and imaginings. I envisioned myself sick and old, in a nursing home. Who will I be? After some consideration, I concluded that I'd like to be happy, to still be able to enrich the lives of others if only with a smile or a look. I want to be at ease with the moment, with nature and myself regardless of the circumstance.

Then I realized that in order to accomplish that, I must begin to practice now because we die the way we live.

"While I thought I have been learning how to live, I have been learning how to die."

Leonardo Da Vinci

MY NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

Yesterday, I was asked to visit your home and render some spiritual and moral support. I was greeted by tears. Your daughters are trying to gradually accept the inevitable - death, a circling vulture, hovers closely. The sight of you, the shock, almost made me cry too. I told myself I mustn't since I was called upon to help, not to grieve.

Your body uncontrollably folded over as your life slowly, and gradually diffused. Your chest working so hard to capture air, your eyes narcotically glazed, you recognized me and pierced me with your fear. Invisible fiery energy transmitted through my hands and touched you tenderly. I prayed that it would bring you peace, serenity, that you would gently let go and detach from this world.

My ego, ready and alert to take advantage of every opportunity, arose within and made me wonder. How will it be for me? Will I be scared? Will I welcome my departure? Where will death take me? Is there another place, another way of being... or, just an abyss, nothing?

So many questions made me realize that I know so little for sure. Hopefully, I'll get some answers when it's my turn. But at that moment all I really knew was that my touching you somehow helped; that from our human connection comfort flows and that love makes questions irrelevant.

May your last days be full of love.

Good bye.

****

"Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever."

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross