IN CASE YOU'VE WONDERED

Maybe you've wondered - "What could have happened to her? She didn't post too often but she was a regular."

In order to explain my unintended absence, I decided to give you some short glimpses of what's been going on with me. Unfortunately, it's not been anything glamorous or particularly exciting, it's been mostly frustrating.

First of all, I spent a few wonderful days baby-sitting my grandson:

I kept up a little with your blogs though I didn't post. I'm always unrealistic with my good intentions to keep connected. I'm also always in complete awe of a toddler's energy, which drains mine and leaves me exhausted.

Once home, I discovered I had no Internet service.

A speed upgrade was included as a bundling package. My husband, Mr. Thrifty, decided this was a great idea. However, he was not informed that we needed a different modem. Once he was informed, he didn't order the company modem in order to buy one locally so we could have it sooner.

Then I continued to have no Internet service.

Several modems were purchased. None of them were the right ones. We visited and explored all the electronic stores and electronic departments in our town. Not a proper modem could be found. So, hubby finally ordered the company's modem which arrived day before yesterday but would not be activated 'til last night.

We (the technology geniuses that we are) kept trying to connect it to an old computer that doesn't support whatever it is it needs to support. So, today I hooked it up to a laptop after it took me about an hour to retrieve some security code which I had written incorrectly.

Why didn't I go to Starbucks?

As if I wasn't sufficiently frustrated by not being able to connect to my friends from home, it was utterly inconvenient for me to leave to get free WiFi from local cafes. I was having wood floors put in. Do you know how long forever is? That's how long this has taken. The house has become the house of horrors. We're still putting furniture back and the dust remains infinite.

To top it off...

Frustration culminated yesterday when as I opened the door to let the dogs out, Leroy ran to a group (don't know proper term) of newborn rats that had been deposited in the dog run. He grabbed one in his mouth. I chased him, he spit it out, I screamed and screamed like a madwoman. Can you visualize this?

And before I went to bed last night I was bitten by a scorpion.

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I know these highlights do more to explain the craziness of my life than the absence from my blog. Still, hope you understand and know that I missed you who give me such great doses of sanity.

GIVE and TAKE

Taking a sip from her iced tea, she seemed relaxed as she sat quietly for her five minute break. But within her mind competing thoughts fought to be noticed. One of them flashed so strongly that she suddenly jumped and startled Vern who was snoring peacefully by her side. He barked to express his confusion then remembered this was "normal" and comfortably repositioned himself to resume his canine dreams.

As she raced to her laptop two more ideas sparked, fueling her speed. Ronald who was fixing himself a snack in the kitchen heard the commotion. "Hum," he grumbled with little curiosity. He was used to his wife's flares. It was as if something inside her spontaneously combusted and the fire ignited a bomb in her mind which in turn burned her soul to action.

At light speed she rushed an email to someone she only knew through cyber waves. She encouraged this person to submit a story to a publisher calling for a certain theme. This person had never submitted anything before but Becky was certain it was time to do so. Her other ideas were to blog about overcoming writer's block and some great writing sites she had recently discovered. Once she took this break, which lasted a little more than five minutes, Becky felt refreshed and inspired to continue editing her memoir. But first, she quickly ran to the kitchen, gave her husband a hug, then before sitting she tenderly petted her dog.

~~~~~~~~

This is my imaginary glimpse of the day Becky Povich suggested I submit a story to Chicken Soup for the Soul. I am grateful for her validation, encouragement and for the fact that she so expertly edited what I submitted.

Neither one of us was focused on the outcome, so if it is published - great. If not we were part of a wonderful give and take experience. I was lucky to do all the taking. Thank you Becky.

I'M BACK

My fingers nervously tickle the key board as I ponder about what to write. Since I am often guided by simplicity, I chose to simply announce that I'm back and all is well.

Daughter is recovering quickly and able to handle her household and mothering activities. My husband did a great job of caring for the ladies, though he was greatly challenged by the antics of our new dog, Leroy, whom I've already enrolled in obedience training. It feels great to be back home and reestablish the comfort of my old routines.

But my spirit feels low. Perhaps I'm tired. However, I think I don't thrive at my optimum whenever I don't write and I've missed blogging tremendously. When my fingers move in response to thoughts retrieved from that place that could best be called my inner self I feel more real, less focused on the mundane and more immersed in the wonders of life.

Nothing creative surfaces yet, but soon I'll be having fun writing my thoughts, experimenting with poetry, with ideas, with prose. I'm no expert at any of this and I realize how grateful I am to have friends who not only tolerate, but support and actually read my posts. I've missed you and I am stopping now in order to visit your sites whose inspiration, humor, insights, talent and warmth I look forward to enjoying again.

As always I wish you peace.

BLURRED

My fuzzy, unfocused, blurred mind convinced me it was not important to announce my temporary silence. "It's just for a few days. I'll manage some posts here and there," I lied to myself. As time went on, I rationalized about not really having anything to say, so why write. As exhaustion set in, I told myself no one cares anyway.

As I write this now, a glimpse into my inner self is revealed - how unrealistic I can be on so many levels. I thought what life was calling me to do could be done easily by any superherowifemomgrandmomdauthterdoglover. What could be so hard in caring for a husband recovering from knee replacement surgery, a daughter from hand surgery, a very active one year old, two old ladies with dementia, and two dogs? Not too long ago I wrote about this same crisis scenario prior to the surgeries. I don't know what to call it this time, except an intensely difficult challenge. The physical requirements were enough, but add to that the inevitable family dysfunction and you either have good material for a funny sitcom, or a dramatic soap opera depending on your own world view.

I have a tiny family with no siblings. Extended family is either too old or living too far away to render support. So, I had to step up to the plate and just do the best I could. I survived and I'm resting now. Daughter and grandson are gone, and I'm only caring for the ladies. Husband is recovering well. I'll have at least one more round of this in a few months. My daughter still needs surgery on her other hand but I think it will be easier. (Unrealistic?)

What was most unrealistic is my thinking that you wouldn't care that much about my absence. I was so delighted to hear from some of you who were concerned. Thank you so much. It truly warmed my heart.

What I know was real is the fact that I was rude. I am so sorry that I did not let you know I would be gone for a while. I won't let that happen again. I know there may be some short periods of silence in the near future because I'm dealing with the ladies' placement in a nursing home. This is emotionally draining. I dispel the myth about writers doing their best work when they're depressed. Not true for me. I write best when I'm happy.

But even if not my best, I'll be writing sporadically. Please know that not one day went by that I did not think about my blogging friends. I don't think you can know how much I appreciate you. Thank you.

BEING HAPPY

My eighty-two year old aunt Hilda can make you laugh at the silliest things. When one asks about her pain from severe arthritis she immediately lets you know she'd rather not talk about pain, then she laughs at one of her own ridiculous jokes.

Max is a young man who smiles and always has something good to report about his day. Max's mother abandoned him when he was a few months old. His father neglected and abused him until Max had to be removed and placed in a foster home. He is developmentally delayed, has cerebral palsy and is quadriplegic. Nothing in his life thus far, has prevented him from spilling his joy.

We all know people like that, they just can't help being happy. It is the most distinct aspect of their personalities. They're not artificially cheerful, they just embody happiness no matter how life has treated them.

Unfortunately, we're not all like that.

~

After some contemplation I have come to one conclusion: happiness is not a constant companion. In order to possess it, we need to cultivate it within ourselves and watch it multiply in intensity and frequency.

I remember once writing about random acts of kindness, and proposing that although random kindness is wonderful - intentional, purposeful, and planned kindness may be even better. I'm beginning to think happiness is similar. That we can do it with intention, on purpose and with some planning. But maybe we need to start with random acts of happiness just to start creating a habit.

My recommendations? dance, sing, observe nature, smile, be still if that suits you. Take note that all these things are free and need not be pursued. We already have these little things at our disposal and probably just need to practice them more often to enhance our happiness quotient.

But, if you're like me, you may tell yourself that you'll be truly happy when...something fantastic happens. I suppose there's nothing wrong with that. But if I am so intent on some future outcome, I may miss all the little opportunities for happiness along the way. The journey is worth enjoying as much as the destination. It has been found that often when we reach what we considered the pie in the sky, it's a disappointment or we find another pie to go after. So maybe there is a lot to be said for those little things.

~

Our U.S. founding fathers ensured that we have the right to pursue happiness. Funny they never said we have the right to happiness. It seems they knew something profound - that happiness is like a game of hide and seek to which we are all addicted. And when we taste its substance, we just want more, more. Perhaps its because, as some profess, we are meant to be happy and we are seeking our true nature. Or perhaps, its just part of the yin/yang that complements its opposite in the script of our existence. The fact remains - pursue it we must with or without a national constitution.

~

I read somewhere that these are the secrets to a happy life:

connecting socially

being active

being mindful

continuing to learn

being generous

They all seem like worthy factors. Based on this, I should be pretty happy. Yet, there are times when happiness disappears like a magical illusion, like a floating balloon that gets swallowed by the sky only to surprise me again sometime when I least expect it - life performing random acts of kindness.

Because it is so elusive, we must enjoy it when it is here. To me this means being on the alert for its arrival and nurturing it so it will stay a little longer in this moment. We must invite it back, and allow it to be creative wherever it dwells - perhaps in places we never thought of pursuing it.

I recall my grandmother always reminding me that there is no such thing as true and complete happiness. I thought she was just bitter at life and that may be so. But as I dig deeper into what I know, I realize that she was right. But we need not frame this so negatively.

Happiness seems to occur in glimpses, some lasting longer than others. Inevitably it fades. Meanwhile it is good to wallow in gratitude, thank life for the moment and enjoy.

~

"My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate."

Thornton Wilder

BEAUTIFUL BLOGGER

I want to thank awitchtrying for sharing her Beautiful Blogger award with me. If you're interested in reading some beautifully poetic writing from someone who is sensitive, intelligent and often very earthy then you must visit this site. I know you will fall under its spell the moment you begin reading.


In turn, I'd like to share, by directing you to some of my favorite sites:


castazero is witty and sharp and I love that she is bi-lingual (Spanish/English). Her posts are varied, with personal thoughts, lovely stories, and stimulating ideas.


lifelinejornaling is an inspirational blog which is written with care and insight. It is both informative and stimulating.


fakeittilyoumakeit - Here Michelle Chastain shares her own experiences, which are motivational and full of her unending energy. She makes many recommendations and serves as a great role model for those of us who tend to occasionally host our own pity parties.



thoughts,writings,coffee - If you want to be amazed, you must visit this blog. The author is only 15 years old but don't expect the musings of a stereotypical teen. He breaks the mold as he writes beautiful prose and poetry that often pierces the heart.


wordsofwisdom is a blog which highlights different bloggers daily who have been nominated by admirers. Here you can discover some of the best blogs in cyberspace and nominate your favorites for "blogger of note".


living,laughing,breathing - Her genuine and sincere posts make us cheer her on as she prepares for an exciting and challenging task - soon she will go to India to teach yoga. I have loved her blog since I first read it. Yogasavy is also the recent recipient of this same award and I feel she could actually qualify for it time and time again.

hauplight is the first blog I ever followed and I will remain loyal until...I can no longer get on the net or she stops posting, which I hope never happens. She offers wonderful tidbits of information. You never know what she will come up with next - popculture, insightful questions, helpful recommendations. She somehow manages to acquire the best pictures to make her point. Truly her blog is utterly entertaining. And beyond that one cannot miss the fact that she is a loving and supportive person.

~

Have fun exploring these sights, and of course, please come back here every so often. I appreciate all who stop by. You will never know how much you have become the reason I spring to action every morning to see who commented, and what's being written in this wonderful, magical world of the internet.

THE BLOGOSPHER - CREATIVITY UNLEASHED!

I propose that blog hopping be considered a new form of aerobic exercise. I'm exhausted after spending more hours than I'd care to admit bouncing from one site to another, intending to connect with people, make new friends, learn something and attract more traffic to my own blog.

It's fun albeit overwhelming, but beyond that I'm mesmerized by the diversity, ingenuity, originality and resourcefulness that floats daily in the waves of cyber space. I had no idea there were so many ways of expressing mommyhood, so much advice on frugality, so many home school teachers, so many "give aways", so many photographers, so many fashionistas, so many poets, so many writers, so many bloggers.

I love them all and admire the steadfast determination and courage of many of the bloggers who expose their hearts, minds and souls so the rest of us can glimpse at their human experience unfolding. And the level of creativity that exists within the bloggosphere strikes me as absolutely and positively awesome.

It has been said that there's nothing new under the sun. Really? I beg to differ. Each time a baby is born - new, each time the sun rises - a new day, each time an invention blossoms - a new opportunity for humanity, each time a work of art is completed - a new perspective of life and beauty, each time a book, article, blog is written - a new thought expressed. Creation is mind boggling. What can be said about it? I suppose, the same things we say about God - what a Mystery.

~

For me creativity just seems to flow randomly, unfairly like intelligence and life in general. Some people get more than others. I don't know why. Where is creativity? There are those who say it exists in the right brain, where imagination resides and fantasy looms. I love hearing that, because I'm an irrefutable right-brainer, for whom details are foreign and math is a language from a distant planet. But what about mathematicians, physicists, scientists and other's who process information in a linear, concrete manner and dwell almost entirely in their left brains? Do their brains even have a right side? Based on all the evidence they certainly do and actually it seems some left brain progress has been initiated by right brain imagination. I conclude that the best creative brain is a balanced one - left and right interdependently co-creating. This means I had better work on that left brain impairment I seem to harbor, if I want creativity to emerge from this apparently unbalanced mind of mine.

~

My fascination with creativity has led me to take advice from some very creative people. Julia Cameron, author of many books - my favorite is The Artist's Way - advises us to write three pages a day in the morning. For many years my mornings began with my pages, often going way beyond the suggested three. (I've stopped now that I'm blogging, but maybe I should resume.) I witnessed my writing improving and, at the risk of sounding immodest, occasionally some pretty creative thoughts mysteriously wound up on those pages.

Amongst other things, she also suggested Artist Dates. I love this. It means going out by yourself to just enjoy an interesting new place or an old place, but the idea is to allow the environment to stimulate your creative juices. For me, a little walk in the desert gets my body and mind reeling, though what I enjoy doing the most is visiting book stores in the hopes that some of the talent encased in those books will rub off on me. Don't know how much the creative juices are actually being stirred, but these dates feel wonderful.

This afternoon I'm planning to do something that is fun and some say it can unblock creativity regardless of your favored artistic medium (whether you're a sculptor, a painter, a writer, a blogger - this is good for you). I'm going to draw. I have found that it's a great way to enter a focused, almost meditative state and just allow the flow of creation to have fun with you. The operative word here is - fun. The intention is not to compete with Picasso, but to relax and enjoy. I actually did most of the exercises from the book, "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" by Dr. Betty Edwards. Being such a right-brainer, I mistakenly thought the exercises would be easy for me. They were not! But, I can confidently announce that I no longer only draw stick figures and my drawings are a great source of amusement to my family. And what's wrong with making them laugh?

~

As you've probably guessed by now, I am a seeker. I am searching for more of all things good, and creativity is pretty much at the top of my list. I wish to be infused with whatever comprises that mysterious gift of being able to make something from nothing, like a magician. I believe it's a way of being close to what I call God, the Ultimate Creator.

Sometimes, I can't believe that I have joined the blogosphere. My inner critic wants to convince me that perhaps I don't belong in it, that it is intended for those with creative spirits already formed. But, I know better. The creative spirit just needs to be nurtured so it can grow and blogging is a fantastic way to do so. The blogosphere is so overflowing with the Soul of creation; manifesting little miracles in the form of words, ideas, games, contests, photos, thoughts, excitement and energy. It's like an explosion of the imagination. I sit in awe and hope that some of the creativity fragments from that explosion crash upon me as I wait patiently in its midst.

"CREATIVITY - LIKE HUMAN LIFE ITSELF - BEGINS IN DARKNESS."

Julia Cameron