Wednesday, August 1, 2012


All my life I’ve felt “lessor than”, somewhat unworthy.  I’d have to write a book here about the psychological causes, the remedies, therapeutic and spiritual interventions, its progress and setbacks in order to cover the course of insecurity in my life.  Don’t worry I wouldn’t to do that. 

I will mention that I’ve learned the proverbial rollercoaster of life is not limited to the external “story” of what happens but also to the internal process that directs it.  So, I’ve had times when I feel like I can conquer any challenge, and other times when I’m convinced I’m an undeserving incompetent involved in situations where I don’t belong.

When I started blogging It took courage for me to begin (an accomplishment), but when I found myself among writers whose caliber I knew I could never match, my confidence plummeted.  Still, I continued to mingle with the best, while I also mingled feelings of embarrassment and doubt mixed with severe admiration mixed with a little envy, which led to a little shame.  All of these, except for the admiration, of course stem from fear.

I hope an opposite of fear is perseverance because I’m still editing/rewriting my book, still blogging, still writing poetry. I hope an opposite of fear is ignorance because I don’t really know what I’m doing.  Maybe its opposite is hope because I hope I can improve.  Maybe fear has no opposite. It stands alone, strong and persistent, challenging us all.

Today, a most talented poet, painter, architect, Ashok, gave me and several other bloggers the Sunshine Award.  How can it be? That he thought of me? But he did, and his compliment inflates my ego enough that for today fear is gone and slowly, very slowly my confidence crawls up as I listen to the loud click clack of the roller coaster rising.

Tomorrow when fear disguised as insecurity returns, though the descent will be so fast I scream from the thrill, I’ll be okay.  I know as soon as I get down, I’ll smile and I’ll want another ride.
“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”


  1. It's a mystery. I have no idea why blogger decided to highlight some words in red. I tried and tried to change it, but gave up.

  2. keep writing dear Myrna... I am so often inspired by your words, your courage, your heart...and deeply grateful always for your kind comments on my writing... I too feel like I'm not worthy to share my thoughts publicly at times, but I keep writing is one of the most healing things I do.

  3. When tomorrow insecurity returns, revisit these comments. You put many other writer's concerns into eloquent words and I look forward to reading through your blog. The red highlighting links to Ashok's blogger page. If you cut and pasted his name it may have auto linked or it may be because he has a blogger account as well.

  4. Myrna, I LOVE YOUR WRITING! Especially your poetry. You are one of those special writers who give the reader a piece of them. I so appreciate that.

  5. Nice to meet you, Myrna. I'm a new follower from IWSG. Congratulations on the award. I'm new, but it looks like you inspire others.

  6. it is because of who you are...and that shines through in your writing and in the comments that you leave touch lives....

  7. You describe so well what is often the pain of being alive. That we can take that pain and place it in the crucible of our minds to produce some work of art is a miracle. We blog because we believe this is possible. I am sure of it.

    Thanks for this post.

  8. Your words reach me, Myrna. Glad to read you.

    Aloha from Waikiki
    Comfort Spiral

    > < } } ( ° >

  9. Cheer up, you could have been a less than brilliant writer and penned "50 Shades." lol Of course, you'd be wealthy.

    You keep writing no matter what! We are here to support you.

    Cheers, my friend!

  10. love the quote and love how you go your way're honest and have a heart that becomes visible in your writing.. well deserved sunshine award cause sunshine is what you this post also spoke to me very personally..struggling a lot with fear at the moment...need to get on that rollercoaster somehow..smiles

  11. Hi there :)

    Just popping in from the IWSG and I just wanted to say I know EXACTLY what you mean :)

    When I get blog awards from writers who I feel are far more talented than me I'm in shock. I often tell myself they're only doing it to be nice or that they feel sorry for me lol ;)

    But then someone pointed out that you don't have to be the most talented writer in the world, it's your "voice" that matters. And if people like your voice you're definitely doing something right :)

    Good luck honey, keep up the good work.....never give up!


  12. Myrnna, I think we all take a 'leap of faith' each time we blog. It was hard for me to start blogging (a few years ago) too and sharing with 'the world.' But I have decided that none of us are 'unworthy' of the word POET! We all have our strengths and weaknesses and differences....but who knows, among us just may be the next 'Emily Dickinson' or 'Robert Frost.'

  13. Sometimes ignorance is bliss!
    I was intimidated when I began blogging but quickly found the community here is friendly and supportive. You've come to the right place.

  14. A question that comes to my mind at times, is how to live? There are times when life is always on the down side and it's hard to be positive but as Ambrose Redmoon said, "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

  15. It is like a roller coaster, but those highs keep us going. :)

    IWSG #179 (At least until Alex culls the list again. :P)

  16. There is a balance to everything in life and so it is with fear. You just proved that by joing this group and by your post. It took courage and I applaud that. Do not judge yourself by others but be true to yourself and your writing. Good luck and welcome to the group.

  17. Myrna, you know what I think about your beautiful writing. Your poetry amazes me every time I read it. Your talent is obvious to us, your readers, so hopefully you're beginning to see it, too! And I agree with Alex. Sometimes ignorance IS bliss, and you know how I feel about bliss! :)