Friday, April 6, 2012


My mother died on Friday, March 30th as I held her hands and told her I loved her.

By Tuesday, when her funeral services were held, I had grieved deeply. I know that process will continue.

The services though, were not intended for sad grieving, but rather for a celebration of her life and for life in general, which encompasses the beauty, joy and losses we all experience.

I talked about the transformation my mother had accomplished. "If she could do it, so can we," I told family and friends. In her youth she was ill and depressed - unreachable, unapproachable, incapable of demonstrating love. In her later years, she grew to be a happy, accepting person who refrained from judging others, instead she gave of what she had - compassion, generosity and kindness.

There are those who express admiration of me, for having cared for my mother in her last years. I don't deserve this. I feared and resisted bringing her to live with me. I considered it the end of my carefree life and I resented having to care for someone who had never cared for me. But family insisted, "You're her only daughter. She has no one else to take care of her."

Today, I am grateful. I got to know my mother's heart unmasked, shinning with purity.

My mother had a sweet tooth. My husband and I would often buy her packets of M&Ms, her favorite candy. Each time, my mother would make little bags (made of tissue paper) containing a few pieces of the candy. Smiling, she would present them to my husband and me to share her precious gift.

At the funeral, all took home a few packets of M&Ms. She would have liked everyone to have some.

A friend commented that he felt special in her presence, that he felt she was enlightened. Perhaps sometimes we seek to learn about the great masters, and we ignore the one right in front of us, quietly modeling how to live fully.

My mother certainly shed light on those of us who got to know her. How fortunate I am.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and concern.


  1. Myrna,

    I am sorry to read about the loss of your dear mother via your Blog. However, you have shared a very personal account about a most wonderful lady.
    I am will remember your mother, yourself Myrna and your family in my prayerful thoughts.

    Eileen T O'Neill

  2. oh sorry to hear this..but so good she could go while you held her hand..sounds like she was a wonderful woman.. and i just love the M&Ms at the funeral, i bet she would've loved it....sending you hugs and prayers..

  3. i am sorry for your loss...and i know grief will be hard...i know a certain sense of relief will come as well...the M&Ms were a great touch myrna...i know she would be smiling...

  4. Sending our love and sympathies at this time. What a beautiful example you have been to me for your love and care for her during this journey. Take Care.

  5. Dear Myrna:

    I feel indeed honoured to read this post today, the day of resurrection. Though, I was initially sorry to hear the news, I feel happy that you were able to spend the last days of her life with her. Indeed you are fortunate! On this day of resurrection, I wish you and your family eternal joy and comfort.

    Blessings and happiness to you.

    Joy always,

  6. I am sorry for your loss. I was writing about my mother who passed 10 years ago.
    "My mother died on Friday, March 30th as I held her hands and told her I loved her." I would only change the date, and the same thing happened 10 years ago.

  7. So sorry you lost your mother! *heart*

    What a wonderful story though - oh, the M&M's! You'll always have the last memories!

    Texas Playwright Chick

  8. I am sorry about your loss. My heart goes out to you, beautiful lady.

  9. My precious Myrna,
    I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Please accept my sincere condolences.

    You should at least take comfort in the knowledge that you were able to make your peace with your mom and discovered her real heart. The M&Ms were a nice touch and it is these lovely memories that you must hold on to in your time of grief.

    Lovely tribute & post. Thank you for sharing.
    My best wishes to you and your family.

  10. Sweetheart, I hope that your heart heals a little bit every day. I'm so sorry about your beloved mother's death. You were indeed a good daughter and I'm so glad you bonded with her and got to know her. She was fortunate to have you and you were blessed to have her in your life.

    I love the take away of the M&Ms. A lovely tribute to a lovely woman.

  11. So sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

  12. Myrna, dear, I'm so sorry you lost your mother. It's a painful transition, but you seem, at this point, to be handling it as well as anyone could. Of course, feelings can change from day to day if not hour to hour.


  13. Myrna, I am so sorry for your loss. But so deeply moved by what you have written here. Your mom made a difficult journey, from being unable to care (likely as a result of her early life) to a life of compassion. I love her joy in the M&M's. Small pleasures are the stuff of life.

    In your gift of caring for her in her final years, came the gift to you of healing past pain. She was privileged to die with you there holding her hands. As you were privileged to stand with her through that transition.

    The universe is very wise, sometimes, isnt it? Your grief is fresh and yes, it will continue. But you can be without regret for that tie that linked you both came full circle and healed itself, and you are both the richer for it.

    I so love stories like this, about humans doing their best in difficult times.

  14. i'm very sorry for your loss. giving out m&ms was a wonderful, lighthearted touch. your mother sounds like she matured beautifully, as you are. we never do things perfectly with others, and you are wise enough not to be too hard on yourself. discovering someone's heart is a high gift.