I walk briskly towards my mountains while I try to shut down my thoughts. I inhale the mountain's peace and stability. Silence permeates all. The barren view is luscious to me. Leroy, my canine companion gives me a little tug as if he wants recognition for motivating me to give up my preferred sedentary life style. But, he retreats to his own meditation and leaves me to struggle to maintain inner silence. I fail. Recollections begin to flow.
"Are these my pills? Is this my coffee?" she says every morning as she attempts to see what is clearly intended for her. "Who else would they be for? They're right in front of you." That would be the impulsive sarcastic reply. I always refrain. Common sense abandoned her long ago and I no longer use sarcasm. It would be cruel.
I then start thinking about life and it's strange twists. Here I am caring for this lady, whom I barely know. During early childhood I thought she was just a relative, an aunt maybe. As I grew a little older, I wanted a real mother more than anything. All my friends had loving, caring Moms. In an attempt to transform her, one Mother's Day I bought her some flowers. Surely, she would love these, I thought. But instead when I presented them, she flung them furiously across the room. Why had I spent money on such frivolity?
This lady and I have changed a lot since then, though our relationship never transformed into ...
I pass a dead coyote which Leroy tries to sniff. I make a twist on our path then focus again on the mountains. They tell no story. They only rest in stillness, witnessing this now. I breathe again and try once more to imitate them. I exhale the past.