The Pain of Enlightenment

Every night before I go to bed I take Daisy out for her last walk. This night was no different, except that, while Daisy took care of her business, I spent a little time trying to turn my body into a barricade to dissuade a huge bug from flying into the garage. The bug proved to be smart and flew easily over my head. Daisy finished and ran into the garage waiting for me to open the door into the house.


But, I saw it. The bug was dangerously close to the door. I refused to let the bug outsmart me again. It was not getting into the house. Swiftly, with the speed of light and the force of lightning, I swung the door open.






!POW! I smashed the corner edge of the door right into my big toe, pulling the nail up and out to the side. I'll provide no more detail other than this striking illustration. Needless to say, I forgot all about the bug.

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We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey."

Kenji Miyazawa

This "mishap" was the culmination of what I perceived as an awful day. Have you ever had one of those, when everything seems to go wrong? That day the coffee pot didn't work, plans didn't pan out, and the air conditioner had stopped working (the temperature was 99). I sensed an ethereal mist of doom hanging over my house permeating my mood and the lens with which I viewed the world. My nerves were on edge, making me respond to minor things with an inner growl.

Although I resisted paying attention, the Voice from within kept trying to nudge me. I didn't want to hear the Truth though and instead chose to wallow in my discomfort. My ego was quick to comfort me. "Poor me," it said. "I'd rather be out playing, than being stuck in this house where no one appreciates what I do; where I'm so unhappy with my life situation. If only..." I couldn't or wouldn't turn off the useless chatter. The pity party rocked. Until the pain.

I've heard it said that pain is the threshold to enlightenment. If that's the case I was fully enlightened in the moment when everything stopped, I saw stars, I was completely in my body and in my soul, I was awakened. Hallelujah!

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Reflections of the moment lead me to concede that I needed that proverbial slap in the face (smash of the toe) that only God knows how to so creatively deliver. It helps me understand, if only a little better, why the masters teach us to be grateful even for "bad" things and circumstances, that all in life is a lesson and an opportunity to come closer to our Source. Can you believe it? I'm actually grateful for my smashed toe.

It broke the negative energy that surrounded me. Suddenly, I had to focus on the crisis at hand, or more accurately, foot. Decisions had to be made, hospital or energy healing? I chose energy healing and wish I could attribute it to my incredible faith. But the truth is doctors scare me and the thought of having a nail pulled utterly increased my faith in more mysterious forms of healing that don't hurt.

"The pain is sometimes more preferable to the treatment."

Indian Proverb

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My husband cleaned me up, bandaged the toe and used Matrix Energetics. (Please read my blog post about this, if you're interested in knowing a little more about it.) I went to bed with a throbbing toe. I had more than a little doubt about being able to sleep, yet I drifted off into slumber and slept - like a baby.

I have yet to feel any more pain. If you're in the medical profession and happen to know that this is normal, please don't tell me. I prefer to believe in miracles. For me, the miracle was extended into the next day, when a wonderful, generous and kind friend, came to the rescue and fixed our air conditioner - on the 4th of July, no less! The atmosphere in my house was totally different and not totally due to the fact that we now had cool air. Peace reigned anew and it was emitted from inside my spirit. That evening plans did work out, friends visited, had fun and teased me about my spiritual toe experience.

I know God has many ways of waking us up. I'm glad s/he used a little humor to remind me that I was losing my way, that I was on the wrong road, if I was to complete the journey I chose. I realize the message is profound. God didn't merely want to point out to me that I needed a pedicure - S/he wanted me to realize how painless my journey really is, and how important it is for me to stay awake and on the path.

Every moment can be a meditation. May I live each moment with awareness, with good intention and attention. As Thich Nhat Hanh (the renowned Vietnamese Buddhist Monk) frequently says, "This is a glorious moment. Happy to be alive."