to leave me when I need you most.
I lie to myself
when I think I've mastered the art
of possession, of keeping you safely tucked
inside impermeable vault where you cannot be
disturbed even by the scent of illusion.
I yearn to protect you but I fail.
I'm not strong, fear does not fear me.
Instead, it mocks me with its power to chase you away.
No matter how much I hold on, you vanish.
You become invisible.
Is it your game to hide?
Is fear just your other side?
Is it up to me which one of you I see,
depending on the tide,
the fog, the storms, the rain,
the flowers that grow within me?
I breathe deeply, again, again
Please come back,
Please come back,
stay.
(For Dverse Poets where Mary asks us to write to one of Totomai's photos.)
It is very hard, I think, when someone continues to try to vanish from one's life when we want to continue to hold on. We keep hoping they will stay, and hopefully they will come back and stay....this time!
ReplyDeleteI had to go back and re-read when I noted your title and saw to whom you were writing. I so know the feeling of thinking we have finally reached serenity - then more life happens and oops, maybe not! I love the line about it leaving when you need it most as is usually the case. I love "the flowers that grow within me". Great write, Myrna!
ReplyDeleteI think there are some people who forever will remain elusive. But if I lived with such a person, I would not feel serene.
ReplyDeleteThe process of parting.. so painfully described.. like plucking the petal off flower.. and in the end we want to back the time again.. very strong and touching Myrna.
ReplyDeletethe art of possession... those are some really interesting thoughts myrna... possessing like we don't - protecting without taking away their space to breathe...it is an art for sure - and one we learn through trial and error sometimes maybe..
ReplyDeleteooo... i like that the flower which grows inside... very nice
ReplyDeleteserenity can be so elusive at times....and the more we try to hold on to it...the quicker it seems to leak through our fingers....is fear just the other side....i know that it robs us of that serenity often....
ReplyDeleteThe art of possession is intriguing - who wields the most power, the one who gives it or the one who enjoys it ~ Serenity is beautiful when it comes unbidded, like the flowers growing within oneself ~
ReplyDeletegreat metaphor. when we need calmness we found ourselves in chaos. and that is frustrating. lovely write.
ReplyDelete"Fear does not fear me" is quite a phrase; you capture the ambivalence felt so well here, Myrna. Your work keeps getting better.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, the search for and holding on to serenity seems always evasive...we just get moments.
ReplyDeleteThere is that lesson we hear all the time about if you try to hold on too tightly you will lose what you love. The line that caught my attention was the one about fear.
ReplyDeleteSerenity requires a prayer, don't you know? It is not entirely up to you. Nor does the trick of hoarding work--only constant vigilence and renewal, rewarded only by its companionship in the here and now. Gorgeous poem.
ReplyDeleteit's so draining to hold on to someone who doesn't want to stay... it hurts to finally let them go, but you realize that that pain will go away; and with holding on, it won't... great write :)
ReplyDelete"Is it up to me which one of you I see" such a powerful line of truth. Brava!
ReplyDeleteIf this world was made for all to stay forever then there would be no need for sadness , buy then some people including us are destined to come & pass someday to close a chapter that has ended & to give way to a new ones... a new beginning where some of us can still live but only as part of yesterdays... Smiles...
ReplyDelete- ksm
It is heartbreaking here. Beautiful voice you have lent to this piece.
ReplyDelete"I'm not strong, fear does not fear me" - this really did it for me.
Shades of the children's game; he loves me, he loves me not.
ReplyDeleteVery, very moving. And disquieting.
Serenity is obviously so elusive. One has to vie for it to just get a peek! Wonderful write Myrna!
ReplyDeleteHank
Finding peace within ourselves is sometimes difficult. Perhaps, it is a bit like hide and seek.
ReplyDeleteI love how you speak to serenity in this piece. I think we create the interference while it sits waiting for us. :)
ReplyDeletethis was nice, I took the time to read it aloud, so savor each word.
ReplyDeleteIt is true the tides come in and out. Serenity is held in the motion of emotions, but every present within the waves. Thank you so much dear one for all of your support these weeks. I treasure your kindness.
ReplyDelete