Whenever I have to confront something important I tend to use one of my two most reliable defenses. One of them is procrastination, which is why I still haven't filed my taxes. The government was kind enough to give me an extension (while I was dealing with my mother's illness and subsequent death). If I can leave something for manana I definitely will chose to postpone. Often, I maintain a kind of suspended animation 'til the very last minute. That's probably how I'll deal with my current tax situation. I have even put off looking up the date of the extension's deadline.
Another defense which I use too often is getting sleepy. This is an innocent and seemingly involuntary defense but a very real and useful one. If my husband and I must have a serious discussion - yawn. If I have to to something unpleasant like clean the house, the yard, do laundry, go food shopping etc. - zzzzzzzzzzz
Unfortunately, though our emotional defenses intend to protect our egos, they actually frequently have an opposite effect. To be too defended cuts us off from possibilities, it curtails our freedom. So, that's why some of us propose to make some changes, to improve our characters and thereby increase our emotional and mental health.
I begin today. (But please can you put off holding me to this?) It's already noon and I've already pondered and contemplated to the point that it could get to be too late. I ran across the site, "Insecure Writers Support Group" and I am joining. The entries are accepted on the first Wednesday of each month.
The title is deceiving because some of the posts I read are written by people who seem very confident. My hope is that they'll help my character flaws. Maybe, I'll be inspired to stop procrastinating and write something longer than a blog post. Maybe, I won't get so sleepy whenever I sit in front of the computer and think about dusting off the memoir I wrote years ago. Maybe I'll be different some day - confident, self assured, persistent, awake.