Sunday, July 10, 2011

Empty Nest / Emptiness?

On June 29th at about 3:30 pm I got the fateful call. There were two beds in the same room available at the nursing home that agreed to accept the ladies (mother and mother-in-law). The days prior were marked with intensity after my husband and I informed them about the forthcoming placement. Mother quickly forgot about it. Alzheimer's spared her the anxiety of worrying about the move. Mother-in-law forgot the first few days. But gradually the reality of the impending drastic change in her life solidified. Concurrently, her anger, rebellion and depression grew.

To say that the move was difficult is like saying a tsunami is simply a change in tide. Adjustment has been hard on all of us. Mother has been more confused. "So, where am I?" has been her mantra. Mother-in-law has a deep death wish and has stopped eating. My husband and I futilely try to comfort her. But her hatred for us is as deep as her wish to die. Her behavior does nothing to ease our guilt.

My house seems empty now. My life too has a void I must fill. Slowly, I'm recovering from the grief and mix of emotions that have attacked me.

Today, I'm resuming my blogging. How I've missed it. Yet I did not have the sort of energy required to write anything. It feels good to make the computer's keys click. I hope to make my life click again too and to connect meaningfully with you my friends. Thank you for all your support.
I look forward to reading your posts.

14 comments:

  1. sad, prayers.
    they will accept eventually.

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  2. it will take some time and then they will get used to it and maybe even like it..and you will make life click again, i'm sure myrna..hugs and love your way

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  4. Hello Myrna. How are you?

    This is all too sad, especially when it hits so close to home.
    Keep courage, my dear. I hope returning to blogging will give you a measure of peace & happiness.

    Thank you for taking the time to visit & leave me such heartwarming comments. I appreciate it very much.

    Best wishes & lots of virtual hugs for you:-)

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  5. good to see you myrna and glad you are weathering this change...it will take a bit for sure...prayers for you in this regard but glad it worked out...

    actually claudia and i are going to be opening a new poetry community very soon...

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  6. Myrna, I know what a difficult decision this was for you. Being a care-taker for one elderly person can be hard enough...but, two? I think you have been an earthly saint through it all. As you have said and others, too, now is YOUR time. Allow yourself to enjoy yourself...the quiet and peacefulness. I know you want to write more. Now is your time! Many hugs....and glasses of iced tea to you! :)

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  7. Myrna,
    Through challenging times, blogging has been a refuge, a place to find kind and supportive people who are in my world because they want to be, and vice versa. Blogging friendships are gifts in many ways. So I am glad you are back after this big transition. You have to do what you think is right, and you have to accept your own legitimate needs as well as the growing needs of the people you care for. I wish you peace and strength.

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  8. Prayers go out to all of you... these are difficult times, stirring many thoughts, both positive and guiltridden at the same time. May you all come to a place of peace, allowing you to share more quality moments in the days that come. Always heartfelt, always a struggle, yet often what is best for all.

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  9. I forgot to mention how much I loved your title. It's so clever and original!

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  10. I am so sorry that you have gone through this. I've really missed you very much and worried about all the stuff that's been going on.

    Both ladies are fine where they are. If your mother in law is angry and miserable, there really isn't much you can do to change that. Myrna, she's in a safe place and at this point, that's the best that can be done. I hope the hours and days that come are much easier for you. I know this is a big change, but I'm so hopeful you will reach a point where you know you made the right decisions (you did), and you can move on with restructuring your life. God bless, Honey.

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  11. Myrna dear, I'm so sorry that you and your husband had to make this terribly difficult but necessary choice. I pray that your Mother-In-Laws anger will soften as she continues to grieve what was learns to accept what is and that your Mother will gradually become as accustomed to her new surroundings as is possible considering her mind state. I remember my parents going through this with my grandmother who had demesia...she was angry and confused at first, but in the end it was the best care she could have had. They did what they could for her in her own home until it was no longer a reasonable thing to do. I know you have done the same and that this is a decision made from a place of love and compassion. Turn some of that love and compassion toward your own gentle heart, trusting that you have given them both the best care you could have for a long time in your home and now in a facility that will offer them the assistance you and your husband could not provide.

    You are such a good person Myrna. Deep down, both mother's know that. Certainly God does.

    xo

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this, it's so difficult. I recently wrote about my grandfather and how we are dealing with this with him. There aren't words for what it feels like to see a loved one slipping away. I will keep you and yours ladies in my prayers; I know God is holding you up now and always.

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  13. just thought i'd stop by and say hi..hope all is well myrna

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  14. So glad to see you here Myrna...I hope you find solace in your gift with words ~ a writing life has such power to heal self and others. Sending prayers your way.

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