Friday, March 4, 2011

BLURRED

My fuzzy, unfocused, blurred mind convinced me it was not important to announce my temporary silence. "It's just for a few days. I'll manage some posts here and there," I lied to myself. As time went on, I rationalized about not really having anything to say, so why write. As exhaustion set in, I told myself no one cares anyway.

As I write this now, a glimpse into my inner self is revealed - how unrealistic I can be on so many levels. I thought what life was calling me to do could be done easily by any superherowifemomgrandmomdauthterdoglover. What could be so hard in caring for a husband recovering from knee replacement surgery, a daughter from hand surgery, a very active one year old, two old ladies with dementia, and two dogs? Not too long ago I wrote about this same crisis scenario prior to the surgeries. I don't know what to call it this time, except an intensely difficult challenge. The physical requirements were enough, but add to that the inevitable family dysfunction and you either have good material for a funny sitcom, or a dramatic soap opera depending on your own world view.

I have a tiny family with no siblings. Extended family is either too old or living too far away to render support. So, I had to step up to the plate and just do the best I could. I survived and I'm resting now. Daughter and grandson are gone, and I'm only caring for the ladies. Husband is recovering well. I'll have at least one more round of this in a few months. My daughter still needs surgery on her other hand but I think it will be easier. (Unrealistic?)

What was most unrealistic is my thinking that you wouldn't care that much about my absence. I was so delighted to hear from some of you who were concerned. Thank you so much. It truly warmed my heart.

What I know was real is the fact that I was rude. I am so sorry that I did not let you know I would be gone for a while. I won't let that happen again. I know there may be some short periods of silence in the near future because I'm dealing with the ladies' placement in a nursing home. This is emotionally draining. I dispel the myth about writers doing their best work when they're depressed. Not true for me. I write best when I'm happy.

But even if not my best, I'll be writing sporadically. Please know that not one day went by that I did not think about my blogging friends. I don't think you can know how much I appreciate you. Thank you.

11 comments:

  1. Myrna - I was wondering about you. My own life without my mom has drastically changed. I am feeling some pressures and I can tell you are too. You are not alone and you have been missed. I was super happy to see you on my blog roll today. I am sorry I couldn't offer you more support and I am sure you would do the same for me. But my heart is with you dear friend and I am sending you warm and loving wishes, Kristen

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  2. I thought this morning - I haven't heard from you and need to check in on you. Missed you. Sending love with all you are dealing with. Sending love and cyber support (perhaps not real helpful but the thought is there.)

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  3. you expressed just how I feel about our blogging buddies! Glad to see you today, M



    Aloha from Waikiki


    Comfort Spiral

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  4. smiles. it is so good to see you myrna...life can be tough at times...i hope that life settles a bit soon for you...prayers and hugs...

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  5. Myrna, it is so nice to see you back, even if you think it's in limited capacity. My heart goes out to you and I pray you are not getting too stressed in this time of turmoil. I know that you love all the people concerned, but it's a hard row to hoe. The nursing home decisions are so difficult even when we know it's the only answer. Do what you can, but remember you do have friends who care very much how you are doing.

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  6. Myrna:

    You weren't rude. You were just busy and resourceful. I am sure that your family needed your care and time more than all of us. We are always here.
    Kind of you to write this post and explain to us. You will be in my thoughts.

    Take care and be happy.

    Joy always,
    Susan

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  7. I have been gone too so i can relate to the sentiments you express - I too at times feel like just disappearing not telling anyone why. As sometimes the reasons why might be to personal or none at all.;)
    I am sorry that you have been having so much on your hands but I am sure your family appreciate you, as you have heat of gold.;)
    Nice to see you back and have a great weekend,
    xoxo

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  8. thanks for telling us what you're going through at the moment..sounds like a tough time...hugs and much love your way

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  9. Blogging does reveal a kinship that's built up with time. We shouldn't feel discouraged if we are unable to post at times. I am glad there is progress with your care giving.

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  10. I'm glad you're back among us. I feel for you and all those challenges. Be at peace. You are not alone.

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  11. You know what? If you need the time off, you take the time off. Your family and you come before the blog. Your blog is your ministry, but when your family needs you, they need you, and you would be remiss to put the blog first. I'm so happy that you are back, but no apologies or explanations are necessary.

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