There's something I must learn from this
abyss. Emptiness engulfing my being, suffocating,
no breath. Like the schools of old, rote living
each day repeated, waiting for the next, the same.
Heart shriveling, giving what it doesn't have
to needy souls who for resolution and conclusion wait.
"No life have I," with resentment I've retorted
to ignorants innocently shrugging
"This too shall pass" they say.
My silent scream is heard
by non-existent deities who squirm powerless
on non-existent thrones. Despondent grief
my only consolation remains.
Illusive nightmare of captivity
for true freedom yearns.
With eyes wide open must I dive
into the stream of universal flow, allowing healing
waters to cleanse my soul. Recognizing I do have life,
possibility potential, time -
to teach me the essence
of the lesson I have yet to learn.
_______________
This Thanksgiving my mother (Alzheimer's) will have lived with me for five years. My mother-in-law (90 year old, dementia) will have lived with me for three years. Sometimes, my spirit plummets into sadness. Caregiving was never on my list of intentions, but life had other plans.
abyss. Emptiness engulfing my being, suffocating,
no breath. Like the schools of old, rote living
each day repeated, waiting for the next, the same.
Heart shriveling, giving what it doesn't have
to needy souls who for resolution and conclusion wait.
"No life have I," with resentment I've retorted
to ignorants innocently shrugging
"This too shall pass" they say.
My silent scream is heard
by non-existent deities who squirm powerless
on non-existent thrones. Despondent grief
my only consolation remains.
Illusive nightmare of captivity
for true freedom yearns.
With eyes wide open must I dive
into the stream of universal flow, allowing healing
waters to cleanse my soul. Recognizing I do have life,
possibility potential, time -
to teach me the essence
of the lesson I have yet to learn.
_______________
This Thanksgiving my mother (Alzheimer's) will have lived with me for five years. My mother-in-law (90 year old, dementia) will have lived with me for three years. Sometimes, my spirit plummets into sadness. Caregiving was never on my list of intentions, but life had other plans.
****
Visit One Shot Poetry to enter your own poem, or just to read some great writing.
'With eyes wide open must I dive
ReplyDeleteinto the stream of universal flow, allowing healing waters to cleanse my soul.' You sound like a very generous caregiver in challenging circumstances.
Wow. The exhuastion of being a caregiver for so long. I can only imagine. Sending love to you.
ReplyDeleteyeah...whew a tough role to play...and so much we all have left to learn...each day a new one...nice one shot!
ReplyDeleteLife does have its own plans....and writing sometimes is the best outlet for the plans that were never on our list of things to do....blessings in your life...may you find some peace in all the weight of caregiving....bkm
ReplyDeleteMyrna being a caregiver is hard and so very challenging on many levels. More so it challenges our beliefs and inner strength.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of all of this you would have understood many dimensions of yourself and the people you are looking after.
Sending you Love and Light
"With eyes wide open must I dive
ReplyDeleteinto the stream of universal flow, allowing healing waters to cleanse my soul" ... this is the mus beautiful definition of crying I've ever read. You are grand, Myrna...you touched my soul.
Dear Caregiver: May Angels care for YOU!
ReplyDeleteAloha from Waikiki :)
Comfort Spiral
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How beautifully you put into words despair... Yet it seems you acknowledge your burden gracefully. I too feel at times that life has constantly other plans then those I have laid out.
ReplyDeletexoxo
I can't dive with my eyes wide open... I have to shut them (or wear goggles! LOL!)
ReplyDeleteNice One Shot, Myrna!
you have a beautiful way to put sadness into woven delicacy..i certainly enjoyed that read..life does have other plans ..mostly :)
ReplyDeletehugs..:)
This is so sadly beautiful. I know how hard this is, Myrna, and God bless you for doing it and with grace. You are an amazing woman. I feel honored to know you.
ReplyDeleteHello Myrna, I would like to thank you for your kind words about my blog Skylover. Much appreciated :)
ReplyDeleteMyrna - that's heavy hitting and speaks volumes.
ReplyDeletethe emotions jump off the page but resolve brings them back
Thanks for sharing with one shot - Happy Wednesday
Moon Smiles and hugs
Hopefully living in the Enchanted Land with its ever changing panoramas, and whispers from nature and whatever gods may be will protect you and your unconquerable soul. Beautiful write, compelling. Thanks, Gay @beachanny
ReplyDeletethis poem is AMAZING. such heart & soul...
ReplyDeletei wrote a poem that I featured on One Stop a while ago, A Love Thats Lost, which was for my father in law who passed away with alzheimers....his illness taught me so much...he had been a friend for 25 years, a father to my wife for 40, it was a hard few years....i feel for you and so understand your word...thanks for sharing...pete
ReplyDeleteYou are a good and strong lady. What a heart! Your poem touched me deeply.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea you were a caregiver for two people. Bless you Myrna!
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful poem and it really touched me. But then all of your writing touches me. You are such a talented lady.
What beautiful words... 'My silent scream is heard
ReplyDeleteby non-existent deities who squirm powerless' I enjoyed it very much Myrna... thanks for sharing...
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com
ah myrna - i heard your cry!
ReplyDeletenot easy at all - and i bet you're doing wonderful with caring for the two ladies - you have the heart for it - even if it's not easy
...and take your time for diving and let your soul be cleansed and refreshed