"You only lose what you cling to."
A couple of days ago I lost you! In spite of what it may seem, I am not a computer geek; in fact, in that realm, I'm quite impaired. The snafu occurred as I was trying to improve my site. Instead, I deleted some essential components. To say that I was totally devastated is a huge understatement. For hours I worked diligently trying to resuscitate you.
I prayed and pleaded with the almighty Cyber Deities to bring you back from space the way Jesus brought Lazarus out of the cave. I understood it could be a little harder because at least Jesus knew what he was doing. But, no matter, the technology Gods seemed to be set to "hibernate". Tears piled up behind my stoic mask. I was not about to lose my blog pages, my unknown friends, my heart inspired writings. Stubbornly, I proceeded...only to make things worse.
Like the clanging of a bell, something suddenly clashed within me and I was awakened. No, I hadn't been asleep. I wasn't dreaming, but I had lost my awareness. Simultaneously, I realized there must be a lesson for me in this loss. What was the lesson? It had to do with letting go, with detachment. Who am I without you? Who am I without any of the things and people I love?
It's great how we can gain heaven in an instant; it's sad that we can lose it just as quickly. At that moment I knew I had lost my peace. Not because I had lost the blog, but because I had lost moments in fear, anger and maybe a little despair. I realized then that I had to stop the emotional turmoil I had allowed.
I reclaimed my spiritual composure after I did what I know works - a silent moment of surrender and acceptance of what Is. I breathed in and remembered that the Universe is not out to get me. It supports me. So, if my life needed to continue without a blog site, or without a really fancy one, so be it. This was not easy. For me letting go is never simple; thus the lesson.
Sometimes, I think about the Buddhist monks who spend hours making beautiful mandalas out of sand, only to destroy them once they are finished. Whew! I am nowhere near that level of detachment. But as we can see, Life continuously infuses those uncomfortable learning opportunities, to teach me not to grasp anything too tightly and instead embrace whatever each moment contains.
Once I got out of the way, I clicked some magical keys and puff, here you are and here I am - a little changed because all lessons, if learned, produce change. Now I am grateful to interact with you, to share and to write my pages, with a little less attachment to them, with more recognition that whatever I produce is a gift; that without it I am still mySelf. I am also a lot more grateful to have this technology. When I get it to work it's great fun.